i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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