three words: i give head
three words: not that well
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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