I showed him my bush... on skype.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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