when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
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