I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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