i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
MIDGETS
????
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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