i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
