i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
