i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
