Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You took a bar mat shot.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
