i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
