i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
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They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
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SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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