Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
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