She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
