If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
