You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
