I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
