I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
