It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
