Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
