yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Say something about gay babies.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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