there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize