Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
