tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
