just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
