all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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