some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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