Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
