he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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