I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
