Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
