if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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