I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
