Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
