at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
