only if we run a train.
done.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You made out with two different species that night
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
