Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize