im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
