Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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