Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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