I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
we're making bets on your personal life
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
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Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
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Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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