If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
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