no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
