just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
