I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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