And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
