When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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