I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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