don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
