So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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