i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
