so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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