i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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