Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
