I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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