I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize