You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
