why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
