First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
