When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Is it penis luge time yet?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
