you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
