is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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