My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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