I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
