Well douche your snatch and let's go!
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
