genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
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Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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