ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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