he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
