am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
