His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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