I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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