eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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