You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
