I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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