I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
