I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
