mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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