My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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