Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
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