i just had sex bonerless
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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