i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
