I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
