dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
