He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I think I died a long time ago.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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