I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
