Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
