Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
