dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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