i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
he thought i was a dude.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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